Everything is racist nowadays… and here’s an A-Z to prove it

From astrophysics to zombies: a list of the many, many unlikely things that have been accused of promoting white supremacy

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On Saturday we ran a news story headlined: “Geology is Racist, Claims University Professor”. Once upon a time, such a concept would have seemed baffling. But not these days.
Only last week, after all, we learnt that dogs are racist (“Dog-Free Zones Needed to Make Outdoors Less Racist, Welsh Government Told”). Last month, it was Latin names for plants (“Latin Plant Names Could Be Racist, Warns University of Michigan”). Oh, and being nice to other people (“Black Academics Told Being ‘Nice’ Perpetuates ‘White Supremacy’”).
We now see so many headlines like these, it can be hard to keep up. But it’s important that we do. Because, given the sheer number of improbable items and activities that are now deemed racist, the risk of getting cancelled is growing greater by the day.
So, to help you avoid this unhappy fate, here’s an A-Z of them.
Astrophysics. “Astrophysics ‘Steeped in Systemic Racism and White Supremacy,’ Says Colorado College Science Professor”, Fox News website, January 2023.
Ballet. “Dance School Drops Ballet from Auditions as it is ‘White’ and ‘Elitist’”, Telegraph, July 2022.
Cutlery. “Knives and Forks? Sorry, They’re Racist, Says Chef”, Daily Mail, July 2021.
Dieting. “The Racist Roots of Fighting Obesity”, Scientific American magazine, June 2020.
Eye-rolling. “Rolling Your Eyes is Racist – Nod Your Head Instead, Civil Servants Told”, Telegraph, January 2024.
Fireworks. “National Geographic Tweet Suggests July 4 Fireworks Are Racist”, New York Post, July 2021.
Gardening. “Weeding Out Horticulture’s Race Problem”, Guardian, June 2020. (Subhead: “Even in the garden, there’s bigotry to be found.”)
Helmets. “How US Helmet Laws Are Used Against Cyclists of Colour”, Guardian, April 2021.
Insects. “Scientists Ask Americans to Help Change Racist Insect Names”, Newsweek, July 2021.
Jingle Bells. “Jingle Bells Rooted in Racism, Boston University Professor Says”, Fox News, December 2017.
Killing parakeets. “Parakeet Cull is Racist – They’re as British as Curry, Say Experts”, Evening Standard, October 2009.
Libraries. “Ivy League Librarian Says Libraries Reinforce White Supremacy”, US newspaper The Hill, May 2021.
Milk. “Cow’s Milk a Symbol of White Supremacy, Peta Claims”, CBS News website, October 2018.
Numeracy. “Focusing on the Correct Answer in Maths ‘is Racist’”, Times, May 2021.
Opera. “Opera Can No Longer Ignore Its Race Problem”, New York Times, September 2020.
Punctuality. “Expecting People to Be On Time is Part of ‘White Supremacy Culture,’ Duke Medical School Claims”, New York Post, July 2024.
Queen Elizabeth II. “Queen Elizabeth Represented Racist Violence as Much as She Did Glamour”, BuzzFeed News, September 2022, the day after the late monarch’s death.
Remembrance poppies. “How the Poppy Became a Symbol of Racism”, Independent, November 2016.
St George’s flag. “One in Eight Labour Voters Says St George’s Flag is ‘Racist and Divisive’”, Daily Express, April 2024.
Tipping. “Tipping Perpetuates Racism, Classism and Poverty – Let’s Get Rid of It”, US news website Vox, July 2014.
University exams. “Now University Exams Are Attacked for Being ‘Colonialist’”, Mail, June 2024.
Veganism. “Why So Many White Supremacists Are Into Veganism”, Vice, October 2017.
White people. “Of Course All White People Are Racist”, Guardian opinion column, July 2002.
X. “Guardian Quits X Social Media Platform, Citing Racism and Conspiracy Theories”, Reuters, November 2024.
Yoga. “Americans Who Practise Yoga ‘Contribute to White Supremacy’, Claims Michigan State University Professor”, Independent, January 2018.
Zombies. “The Racist History of Zombies,” ABC Australia website, March 2016.
Obviously that’s not all, though. There are many, many other things that have been reported as racist. Sadly, however, I’ve run out of space to mention Alice in Wonderland, Body Mass Index, the countryside, dating apps, the Enlightenment, the four-day week, gun control, house prices, interior design, jogging, King Kong, lavatories, moccasins, nuclear weapons, Of Mice and Men, photography, the computing term “quantum supremacy”, Robinson Crusoe, swimming, theme parks, The Ugly Duckling, vineyards, the “wellness” industry, X-rays, yearbooks and zoology.
Come to think of it, that’s a second A-Z. Perhaps next time I’ll do a third.
Way of the World is a twice-weekly satirical look at the headlines aiming to mock the absurdities of the modern world. It is published at 7am every Tuesday and Saturday
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